I lived

"I'm losing it" – Frank Sinatra

"Tomorrow, at sunrise, I shall no longer be here". – Nostradamus

"I'm going away tonight". – James Brown

These were their last words. And what about mine? What are going to be my last word here in the English Bistro?

Well… We're always able to have nice talks with our friends in Whatsapp or asking for Help with Siri, but the most important thing ever is not letting the English disappear.

Languages are like that… If you have contact with it all the time, you may never forget it, but if you stop reading out loud the text I've made, then you lose it. Don't stop practicing.

You are also not the only one, kid. People like you are everywhere, waiting for share there skills in language. If you'd like to know if your English compositions are understandable, you still can send it to me. I'd be proud of hearing your thoughts in a piece of paper or in the internet.

The experience of writing in English was the most amazing for me. Even knowing I didn't have a legion of fans I still wrote it. And I'm proud of my texts, mainly of Blindeath and I recommend you to read it NOW.

Well… I suck with Good byes so… I hope we'll see each other soon.

See you, monkey.

"I did it all

I owned every second that this world could give

I saw so many places, the things that I did

Yeah with every broken bone

I swear I lived"

 

Red

I lost him.

How could I let this happen? I don't even know what exactly happened. It was so suddenly. All I remember is that we were on the beach, looking at the blue of the sea. I saw myself with him, but then, he disappeared, and I was all alone. I forgot how it felt to be lonely. Actually, I forgot everything that made me feel bad. All my routine was based on him.

Not anymore.

I can't even be angry at him. It would make things so easier. But everything that's running in my head now comes in flashback and echoes; our memories together. Like when you were driving around with your Maserati and I was singing the song that was playing on the radio, while feeling the wind on my face. And all the times that I hugged you, my thoughts were just about how perfect you were to me. I still remember everything you told me about yourself; it's not hard at all, since you used to be like my old favorite song. When you like something, it's easy to remember all the little details about it. And when we had those fights, nothing made sense to me. We should have realized that there was no right or wrong.

We had something so strong, and now the pain has the same strength. And it hurts so much. Do I deserve this just because our love has grown up a lot? Maybe that's the payment. But it's a bit unfair.  But I have to understand that now it's gone. Everything we had, now it's thrown away on the sea, and it's far from us.

However, I still can't understand how you pass by my side and look like nothing happened. Why am I the only one who still has the wound? I can't forget you while those memories are still in my head.  

Days passed, months passed, and I still can see only two colors in my days: the dark grey of the clouds in those rainy days, and the color red, of the blood that's still dripping down my heart; the same color of my lipstick you used to love.

In your pocket

He sits in front of me, trying (but failling) to make eye contact. Why doesn't he stop with this, anyway?! He just can't accept it, I guess.

"Show me your phone." He says, putting his hands through my shoulders, trying to make me look at him.

"I won't" I say quickly. "I won't because I think you don't trust me enough to believe in my words. You want to see it with your own eyes. Guess nobody told you to not believe them."

"He took a deep breath and waited. Guess he was counting 'till ten. "Give. It. To. Me."

"No!" I whisper. "Well, I got nothing to hide."

"So, show me."

"What do you expect? I mean, you think you'll find messages or something like that?"

"It doesn't matter. I want it." I gave it to him. I just wanted it to end. I wanted him back to me.

He opened apps, texts and finally... found nothing. He whispered. A long loser whisper.

"I said I had nothing. I'd never do this to you. I'm not this kind of girl. I love you." I held his hands and pulled his body to mine.

"I'm sorry" He says and kisses me.

I felt guilty about lying to him. And it wasn't the first time. There were so many lies that I created a new me. It's like I have a double life. And I prefer the second one.

I know I don't like his jealous and aggressive way. But I know I love this way when he apologizes and I see in his eyes he's not lying. I love when he surprises me with cakes and ice creams and Sundays at the park. I know I can't (and I won't) change him. Because I love him just the way he is.

Things we lost in the fire

I think the worst part in the process of losing someone isn't the sad part. It is the part of thinking about it over and over again. Maybe I knew that we weren't supposed to be together. Maybe the words I'd put on my diary were correct but my heart didn't accept it.

I was always the kind of girl who had one particularly way to see the world. Maybe that particularly wasn't useful to him. "We were born with nothing and we sure as hell have nothing now" were the words that you reminded me to use on our fire. And I remembered that him didn't believe that we were able to stay as we were because he knew everything from that point would change.

Now I know that we started this war.

 

If I can't have you

I’ve already given up o all this crap and this is a fact.

Don’t get me wrong little girl, my sadness is not your fault. In this life, I chose to Love everything and everyone equally, with no distinction, utmost, and each second with you this balance seems like is falling apart.

I can’t Love you anymore just because I want to. I can’t have this selfish and hypocrite wealth.

It’s not I’m afraid oh what they’re going to talk, you know I’ve never cared about them. It’s just I’ve lost this right a long time ago.

I know this doesn’t make any sense, my tears are saying my words are wrong. But each second with you is like a poison to me, a poison I can’t stop using. I keep crying, but don’t get me wrong baby, not your fault. I’d like to say it was the Best thing to do about us, but after all of this, the recipe went wrong.

I love everyone equally now, except you. The secret, darling, I’ve been trying to hide the lines, it’s that my love for thing is gone, because if I can’t have  you, I don’t want nobody baby.

Reptilia

 

- Sorry, babe. How many times do I need to say I'm sorry?!

- Until I believe.

- It's just, things changed so fast…

- All I asked you was to follow my steps.

- What? Now you're blaming me for that?

- Yes, you're the one who said that would follow me to the hell.

- But, you've changed. You were just a simple girl and now you want to be a superstar.

- I AM a Superstar.

- No, you're like a reptile, you just change your outside, but inside you are the same.

- You know what?! Get a hell out of my life.

- Again? You've already asked me that. But… Sorry if I'm not drowning fast enough.

- You're a fool! I never asked for you to disappear.

- Not with words. But it's impossible to keep by your side with all of this changes happening so fast.

- In the day we met, I told you my story. I told you how poor was my family and how big were my dreams. Do you even remember the only thing I asked you when you proposed?

- Yes.

- Then, say it.

- I don't…

- SAY IT!

- "Please don't slow me down…"

- "…If I'm going to fast". It was the only thing I asked you. And now what are you doing? Complaining because everything has completely changed.  Try to walk in my shoes… My family needs me, and I need you.

- I'm sorry babe. I don't do good with reptilians. Lots of changes.

- Then you better hide. Because reptilians are predators. You're a prey.

- I rather be a prey than a fake smile.

- I'm not a fake smile.

- No. You're no longer laughing.

- New skin. Get used to it.

- I won't.

 

Bistro in Whatsapp

Last night, I was thinkiing about how confusing is when me and my mates of the blog sound like when we talk in our Whatsapp group. Check it out:

Boss: Guys, i want u to write a txt to tomorrow talkin bout the way people wear arround the world.

Garden: I got it boss. Do we need to write bout all countries?

Boss: If u may…

Marcel: Well, actually I think we might choose one country and talk about the clothes people use there. Then, each one of us talks about a different place.

Boss: Great idea!

Laurel: Perfect!
           It’s just… OMG!

           I’ll write bout France! :D

Anne: HAHAHA J

Boss : What does it mean, An ?

Anne: J J J

Couple: Fuck u. I can’t write any more txts. I am a busy person.

Dett: Do I need to write it to? I’m not actually part of the writing group…

Boss: No, Dett. And Couple… Screw u.

Eddy: Didn’t got it. What countries r u talkin bout?

Catfish: The same thing. Do u mind explainin 1 more time?

Laurel: Delays…

Garden: DELAY! I don’t care  bout catfish, all I want is bother ed.

Boss: Listen: U’ll pick a place and talk bout the kind of clothes they use there. Got?

Catfish: Ah… I don’t wanna do this.

Boss: Feel Free.

Eddy: Now I got it, bro.

Anne: J

Coffe: I’ve just read a book.

Eddy: What country will u pick?

Laurel: France

Marcel: Iraq.

Anne: J

Coffe: It’s actually very good.

Boss: Germany for me.

Eddy: Then I’ll choose Nigeria.

Garden: Brazil. Because I Love my country.

Dett: France S2

Coffe left the group.

Eddy: Ahn?

Catfish: What’s the point?

Boss: Wait, I’ ve shit.